As you age, time really does seem to slip away faster and faster. “Old people” said that to you when you were young, and you nodded politely, but you never really believed it. You were immortal and invulnerable. But then life happens. Every day. And there comes a time that you wonder how much of that life isn’t in front of you anymore. You think about when you will reach the moment you have less days ahead than behind (or did you pass it already). It may not have been a fully conscious mindset, but somewhere along the line, I began to think of a new year or a birthday more in terms of what I had lost, instead of what I had to look forward to.
Then I got sick. For a while I really wasn’t sure I had one more year left, much less another half a life. I trusted God. To a point. I was still a little angry, a little confused, and a lot nervous as I walked into the cancer center and saw…happy people. Not everyone, but most. At first that confused me more than my own circumstances. But then you listen, and after a while you begin to understand. Cancer might take my life, but I didn’t have to let it take this day away. I didn’t have to let it steal the joy, peace, and hope that every day contains. That may sound like a sappy Hallmark movie, but it’s true. Life is not a ticking clock. It is experiencing every moment in the presence of God. It is learning every day with Him how to love and be loved. It is living in gratefulness through every situation, living in celebration of each relationship, and living in awe and joy of every moment I get to be here.
I don’t see my life in terms of what’s left anymore. That ended in the operating room. I’m living by God’s grace, still learning to see every day as a gift. And that is a whole lot more fun and freeing. So, when I say that I am thankful for 2015, for all its many changes, I really mean it. And when I welcome 2016 tonight, it’s not with stress of what I may have to face, or pressure of what needs to be accomplished before time is up. It’s in enjoying the moment with God, and being so grateful for the family, friends, and life that I have. Happy New Year’s, everyone.
Equip Your Spirit 