You recoil at the memory. If you dwell on it for too long, it gets overwhelming. You’re used to shoving the pain down, but sometimes it still gets to you. That part of your younger self that was hurt—used, offended, dishonored, rejected—feels stuck there. It’s as though a piece of your soul got broken off and tethered to that moment. Thinking about it makes your whole life feel chained to it. If you can’t find a way for your heart and mind to escape quickly enough, you start thinking and acting like the person you were then, instead of who God says you are now.
Forgiving people who hurt you is more for you than them. Forgiveness can reconcile people—it’s a blessing to restore relationship with someone who is sorry for what they’ve said or done. But sometimes the offenders aren’t sorry, or they’re unaware, or simply unavailable. Regardless of whether someone receives it, forgiveness is still critical for you. It places you in the center of God’s presence, in the middle of His grace. It’s okay if you don’t feel like forgiving right now, and don’t feel love for the one who wounded you. It’s God that does the healing, not you. You’re so exhausted from trying to manage your pain on your own for so long, it’s hard to know what you really feel anyway. In that place of grace, He restores your emotions, your thoughts, your identity. You don’t have to carry these burdens anymore. They aren’t yours. They’re not part of your identity in Christ. They never were. He already took every last one of them on Himself, and dealt with them at the cross.
Let Jesus redeem the memory. I don’t mean pretend it never happened and paint on a religious smile. I mean let Him expose all the negativity attached to it, and displace it with His presence. Someone may have judged you worthless, useless, a failure, never good enough—let Him show you the roots of every lie, offense, and rejection, and disempower them with His overwhelming truth, grace, and love. You are brilliant, amazing, brave, smart, capable, confident, powerful, and completely loved. He is proud to call you his child. Let the wounded, bitter, self–piteous version of yourself go. Let God remake you as a new creation—whole, joyful, unbound from the past, un–offendable, and excited about your future with Him.
“Teach me Your way, O Lord, so that I will walk in Your truth. Put the pieces of my heart together so I can live in awe of Your name” (Psalm 86:11).
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt. 6:14-15).
“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you” (Luke 6:27-28).
“Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be disheartened, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, and uphold you with My righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).
“‘I know the thoughts I think toward you,’ says the Lord. ‘Never thoughts of evil or pain, but thoughts of peace, favor, prosperity, and wholeness, to give you a future and a hope'” (Jer. 29:11).
Equip Your Spirit 