Recently I found myself getting stressed about, well, everything. Through the clamor of thoughts telling me everything that could go wrong, and pointing out every failure I’ve ever had as proof, I heard God say to my heart, “Rob, your awe of Me needs to be bigger than your fear of anything else.” The thought/feeling that came with it was not a containable one. It wasn’t a Sunday morning, favorite-song-during-worship kind of awe. It was the can’t-breathe-chills-down-the-spine-staring-through-tears-too-overwhelmed-to-speak-don’t-know-anything-except-that-You-love-me AWE.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who wants an upgrade in living in awe. You know following God isn’t easy, but the exhaustion you feel isn’t the kind that comes from living fully in Him, it’s the kind that comes from being disconnected and doing everything on your own. You’re recognizing that it’s hard to hear and feel Him, and that there are roots of bitterness working their way into your heart and head. Consider that part of the reason may be that you keep looking for Him in the past. Having the same level of awe, the same relationship, that you had years ago just isn’t enough. You’re expecting Him to come to you in the same spot on the same pew, but He’s not there anymore. He has called you to follow Him higher up and further in. Who does He want to be for you right now? That’s where you’ll find Him.
Release yourself to go forward by forgiving and blessing those that have hurt you. Let go – honestly let go- of your offenses at what hasn’t happened, and your expectations of what you want to happen. Just allow yourself to be in God’s presence. Trust your heart to Him, instead of to your defensive walls. That’s how you start learning to cultivate awe, instead of feeding fear. You can’t manufacture or manipulate this. Let Him love you to life. Let Him show you every place His kindness, goodness, mercy, and grace have touched your life. Let Him take you to deeper places in His wisdom and joy and holiness and majesty. Let Him take you from your past understanding of glory to the one He knows you need right now.
“We all, with faces now unveiled, behold the glory of the Lord, and are being transformed into that image, from glory to glory, by the Spirit of the Lord.” (2 Cor. 3.18)