Stop Fixing People

Heal me

I know it’s subjective, and maybe I’m just parsing words in my head with a 4 am brain. But I think there’s a difference between healing people and fixing them. Healing is the responsibility and privilege of every believer. To me, healing is God’s grace manifesting in the heart, mind, and body. It is agreeing with Him in restoring and renewing by living in and releasing that grace as He directs.

But “fixing” implies I know what is best, that I know how people should think, feel, and act. Fixing others according to my will requires I take God’s place. But since I have no real grace outside Christ, I use benevolent manipulation as a substitute. I use words to shame, pressure, and overwhelm people into a corner, where they will either conform to the will of my fears, or retreat so deeply into themselves that their unique identities no longer threaten me.

You can’t make someone change. Not a spouse, child, friend, coworker, or that weird guy in the back pew. You might make them act like it for a while, but if it’s based on your constraints and insecurities, at some point something’s going to snap. Real transformation comes in giving someone the power to choose to have their own experiences with God. If you love someone, stop trying to control them, and start blessing them. Release them into His presence without expectation. Yep, it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But a longer road to healing is far better than a short fix off a cliff.

And if you’re the one who’s been under pressure to conform to someone’s else’s mindset, then do something about it. You are responsible for taking charge of yourself and having your own relationship with God. You can’t just blame your limitations on someone else and hope to be happy. Take the time right now to let God tell you who He sees you as, and what He wants to heal in your life so you can become that.

This is subjective also, but I’ve noticed that the more I let God heal my heart, my mind, and body, the less I feel like I have to fix people. Including myself.

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