If your unhealed wounds cause everyone around you to have to earn your love, that’s also how you’ll see yourself with God. In your own head, you’re always broken, and never good enough to be fully accepted. It twists the definition and demonstration of love in your life. You won’t know how to receive love for yourself, and therefore have none to give away. To cope, you reject anyone who shows kindness, and you push love further away.
It’s a vicious cycle. It’s time to get off that ride so you can stop hurling on everyone. Ask God to forgive you for existing in your judgements instead of living His grace. Then forgive those that wounded you. Even if you never see them again, let them go, spiritually and emotionally. Delete the replay of their sin in your mind, so you have room for a new vision.
Ask Jesus to begin healing the damage and filling in the missing pieces. Allow Him to lead you toward a redefinition of love and a restart of your heart. You may feel a little apprehensive, but it’s a lot less scary than being alone forever in the prison you’ve sentenced yourself to.
“Love has no fear, because love that makes you whole expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His completing love. We love each other because He loved us first” (1 John 4).
Equip Your Spirit 
I have never experienced this kind of relationship with yeshua before. I’m totally in love with him and he is so beautiful to me. And the very thing your describing here is happening to me. It’s like I’m rewriting my story. All the horrible moments I felt alone and rejected are coming up in my memory and when they do my sweet father tells me “I was there and I loved you no matter what. I was proud of you and you are beautiful to me. My daughter .” I think when you have had a long history of abuse you get flash backs. But now when I get one I see a totally different story. I’m no longer a victim, I am a loved child of the king. And more and more I’m able to love gods other babies (everyone) like he loves me! I’m sooooo blessed!!
That’s fantastic!