Self-Destruction

“For the word of God is alive and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword. It will even penetrate to the very core of our being where soul and spirit, bone and marrow meet. It interprets and reveals the true thoughts and secret motives of our hearts. (Hebrews 4:12).

I was drifting from praying into sleeping, when I saw myself. Dozens of me. A demon was constructing version after version of me, each based on a lie. He set them along my path like road signs, and as I came to each one, it spoke with what the demon had programmed it with.

“You’re a failure.”

“You’re all alone.”

“You’re going to get cancer again, and this time you’re going to die.”

Even though I knew they were lies, after walking for a while, I started listening to them. Even if I didn’t believe them fully, they began to wear me down until I was out of strength. I stopped near one that kept repeating, “You’ll never be good enough to be a real writer.” Over and over it spoke until I found myself agreeing with it.

“What’s in your hand?” The new voice startled me, but I recognized it. Recognized Him. I looked down. In my hand was a sword. It was the sword my son had given me during chemo, a replica from the 2010 Robin Hood film. On the hilt was inscribed “Rise and Rise Again, Until Lambs Become Lions.” I tightened my hand around the words. Lately, I’d been so focused on wanting God to change my circumstances supernaturally, I’d been missing his invitation to transform my heart and train my mind to live more supernaturally.

“Use it.” Before I could ask how, He said, “Listen.” I knew that meant to focus on what the Holy Spirit had been trying to say the whole time I’d been listening to “myself.”

“I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.” More than words, more than a Bible verse, the truth of it struck me in the heart, and shot down my arm. The sword rang like crystal.

Ignoring the irony of beating myself up, I repeated the words out loud and swung at the image. It shattered like glass. I thought this must be what Jesus was doing when the enemy tempted Him in the wilderness. He broke the enemy by living in His true identity, and submitting Himself to His Father. With every step forward, I felt increasing surges of strength and confidence. I listened for the counter to each lie, and destroyed every false version of myself, every idol I’d let the enemy make out of my fear, self–pity, and bitterness:

“I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness, here and now, in the land of the living. Wrap yourself in His presence, and you will have the strength and courage you need” (Psalms 27:13, 14).

“They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me, because He delights in me” (Psalm 18:18-19).

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened down, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

You are created in God’s image, in awe and wonder (Genesis 1:26, Psalm 139:14). Don’t let a lie twist you into accepting a lesser identity. You are who God says you are.