If people have to agree with you before you’ll express some measure of acceptance, appreciation, or affection, then it’s not really love you’re giving them, it’s a grade.

And the deeper truth is that you’re not grading them as much as you’re grading your own heart—judging how much emotional strength it will cost you to protect your unhealed wounds and unconquered fears from what you can’t control in others.

The answer is the same as it’s been since Jesus said it: Love. Love God, yourself, and others without calculation, reservation, or expectation. Allow his love to comfort you, overwhelm your fears, and give you the ability to see people as he does. Let love upgrade you.

“My friends, how can we not love one another, when God’s love is so measureless for you?” (1 John 4:11, paraphrase).

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