“Trust is earned.” I understand why you think that. You’ve been hurt more than once, and you’re determined to protect yourself. You’re not going to put your heart in someone else’s hands again.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that, and I’d never tell you to go back and put yourself at the mercy of someone’s self-centeredness. Even when healthy boundaries are established, I realize trusting anyone after being hurt is difficult. In your own strength, nearly impossible.
But shielding yourself from one person so often leads to closing yourself off from everyone else. You focus so much on potential threats that you miss the opportunities for growing relationships, especially with Jesus.
Please ask God for grace. You don’t have to earn it or beg for it. You just need to recognize he’s already made it available for you. Grace to hear his voice clearly in your heart. Grace to heal. Grace to be free of needing others to act a certain way for you to be okay. Grace to live in peace and joy greater than pain and fear. Grace to trust—to see others as he does, not as your past wants to.
Your love, joy, and peace are no longer dependent on what someone else does or doesn’t do. You are complete and secure in Jesus no matter what’s going on around you. From that place, you can do what seemed impossible on your own—forgive the ones who’ve hurt you. Bless them. Let them go. It doesn’t mean you have to let them hurt you again, it means you’re free from everything they’ve done. You’re free to be all God says you can be. You’re free to trust again.
“Don’t be anxious and afraid. The world may abandon you, but I never will. In fact, I’m imparting my peace to you, so you’ll always be aware of my presence” (John 14:27, paraphrase).